January 6 Stool Pigeon Spends CPAC Cosplaying In Jail Cell He Avoided By Squealing

We are paying limited attention this year to the Grand Guignol of ostrich-fucking that is the annual CPAC convention, because, well, imagine two ostriches fucking. Got it? Okay, now imagine two ostriches fucking on a stage in front of thousands of conservatives while Donald Trump Jr. stands off to the side sniffing like a jet engine through his cavernous sinuses while complaining that the Liberal-Marxist-Black Lives Matter industrial complex wants to cancel these patriotic ostriches that just want to fuck in peace because conservatives celebrate every act of ostrich sex by flinging a transgender person out of a giant catapult into the sun, and leftists want to take away that God-given freedom.

But we can’t let the whole conference pass without noting … whatever the hell this is:

Yes indeed, someone has apparently set up the CPAC version of a carnival midway with a mocked-up jail cell and someone wearing an orange jumpsuit and red MAGA hat sitting and crying in it. This is supposed to represent the plight of all the January 6 defendants being held, pre-trial, in the Washington DC jail.

If you have been staying away from the sewer that is rightwing discourse about January 6, first of all, mazel tov. If you have not, you know about the martyrdom that has been bestowed on the defendants arrested in connection with that day. The supporters of these folks have dubbed them imprisoned freedom fighters, political prisoners, victims of the Biden “regime,” and any other overly dramatic dialogue that you probably last heard while watching a Costa-Gavras movie marathon on the Criterion Channel.

The funny part, though? (Besides all of it.) The dude cosplaying as a jail inmate in this CPAC exhibit is a real-life January 6 defendant named Brandon Straka, founder of the #WalkAway movement. Straka pleaded guilty last September to a single charge of disrupting Congress and was sentenced to 90 days of house arrest and three years of probation. In exchange for this plea deal, he engaged in what has been described as “substantial cooperation” with prosecutors.

In other words, yes, the guy playing a January 6 inmate locked up in jail got off without serving any jail time in real life thanks to his willingness to cooperate with the federal jackboots who are allegedly persecuting his fellow rioters.

That the criminally accused in America are often held in terrible conditions for months or years pre-trial, and for crimes much milder than sacking the seat of the federal government while trying to prevent a duly elected president from taking power, is not something that we’ve seen acknowledged by Straka, or by the likes of Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene, who have the power to do something to reform the criminal justice system. But that’s hard, long, grinding legislative work that doesn’t get you invited to rap on camera with Tucker Carlson.

One final note: While Straka is gunning for a regional theater award for this political act of guerrilla performance art, the judge who sentenced him was yelling at his attorney over remarks the former actor recently made downplaying his actions on January 6:

But Friedrich, who was nominated to the federal bench by former President Trump, grew audibly frustrated when she turned to Straka’s recent public comments about both his cooperation and his plea deal.

“To the extent he’s making claims that are inconsistent with what he said to federal agents, he needs to understand that this definitely is not in his best interest,” Friedrich told Straka’s attorney, Bilal Essayli.

Maybe it’s not going to be too late for Straka to get some real-world experience in serving time after all.


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